Thanks for the great feedback I received after last weeks blog, a particular favourite of mine was "Give it up bro, no one's interested any more"... Ah well, haters gonna hate right?
So after making it through my heat and my semi final I was into the final. At stake was a trip to Auckland to compete in the national competition for the top two acts of the night. I have to say I wasn't really thinking about that but given my progress so far, I thought I was in with half a chance. The final was once again going to be held at the San Fran Bath house.
The acts that were in the final with me were:
Roni Saul, Ben Stokes, Hadley Donaldson, Kent Lambert, Rick Threlfo, Josh Franklin and Holly Gooch. Out of that lot I had seen everyone except Holly perform and I thought there's no one here that is definitely going through or definitely not.
Go back one week and there was quite a bit of buzz around having made the final, I was racking up the Facebook likes over my progress and accompanying video clip of the semi final, and everyone I knew wanted to wish me luck in the final. It was a good feeling knowing that people were pulling for me. As Ive banged on about before, I only wanted to make it out of my heat and to now be in the final I had exceeded my own expectations so in one way the pressure was totally off.. Of course, in another, more honest way, I felt under more pressure than ever. A few of my friends were planning on coming along to the final, which was good, but weirdly, I felt like I wanted to give them something fresh to enjoy. Looking back on it now, this was crazy, There would be roughly 200 people there, and I wanted to give the 6 or 7 people there to support me, some new, untested material. I had mentioned this plan to a few of my friends in the lead-up and I can honestly say.. not one of them thought it was a good idea. In the cold light of day, I realise now, that it was me being cocky. Thinking hey I'm funny so no matter what I pull out its going to be solid gold! Well it might be, but it might be solid coal too.
I decided I would risk it and can half my set, we had 6 minutes so I tried to retain the funniest 2 minutes from the semi final and went about writing 4 brand new minutes. I tried to subtly try out some of the jokes with unsuspecting workmates, My opening bit was centred around Doogie Howser MD. That went well.. I got a blank stare. My colleague had never heard of him. I reassured myself he was probably just a fraction too young and that EVERYBODY knew Doogie Howser right? I solidified my new opening during the week leading up to the night and told a few people that I was changing my set. I laughed when people said it was a bad move, I scoffed when other comedians asked if that was such a great idea and I downright ignored the advice of a friend who told me to keep 2 or 3 sure fire hits in the set. You know what they say, Pride comes before a fall.
The night rolled around and I was reasonably calm. I got to the San Fran about 30 minutes prior to the show starting. The place was already pretty busy, tickets had sold out but for a handful so it was going to be a capacity crowd. I couldn't tell you who the judges were, or my order on the night but we were told that Raybon Kan was going to do a few minutes at the end, and that our MC for the night was Jamie Bowen.
Jamie came backstage early on and spoke to us, he was a pretty cool guy, he had a real energy about him and definitely had his mentor hat on. He was cultivating a very particular moustache for his comedy festival show and a lot of the conversation seemed to revolve around his upper lip. He had a special moustache comb and scissor in one that he was excited about and would show off to everyone to make a comment on the 'tash. As the finalists all arrived Jamie and also Jerome Chandrahasen, would go to great lengths to explain the time restrictions to us all over again. We had 6 minutes, finish earlier than 5 and you'd probably not make it through, finish over 7 and you would be disqualified immediately. These rules were repeated over and over again, to the point where I thought it would be funny to ask Jamie sarcastically "I'm confused, how many minutes do I have?". This was met with a deadpan "Six.". First joke of the night had gone down like a cup of cold sick.. good. I know I was on in the second half and I know that Ben Stokes was up first. I thought being up first would be a kiss of death in this competition, only a moderately warm crowd, it would be a tough ask, I thought to myself, "well, that's Ben fucked". We will revisit that prediction later. Roni told me she had a load of friends in to support her in the front rows who had seen me a couple of times before. I was pleased that I had some new stuff to give them. We were minutes away from starting and Josh Franklin was writing stuff down on a blank bit of paper, He said he had nothing really planned for the night.. he was either an exceptionally brilliant comic, supremely confident in his own abilities, or bullshitting me. I think it was a bit of a combination of the two. Some more free waters were delivered backstage, in a big bucket of ice. This was how we rolled now.. free water, just like Movie stars, or anyone with a tap at their house. There was one marked difference to the air backstage this time, and that was Kent Lambert. The other nights Kant had bowled on in, loud, confident, cracking jokes and acting like the MC and he had been best buddies for years. Tonight, there was a very subdued man with a jug of beer who looked like he was on his third pair of trousers, its fair to say the big man was either feeling off colour, or absolutely bricking it. I still don't know which one it was but he wasn't himself, maybe he was just in the zone I thought...
We were underway and Jamie was out there getting laughs, warming up a capacity crowd. You could hear the guy was peeling off hit after hit and it gives you a good feeling knowing that you wont be going out to a wall of silence. We made the usual small talk backstage and Josh spent a good chunk of time pacing back and forth. Ben was up before we knew it and the Final was underway in earnest.
We sat backstage in silence, this is how it was most of the competition, not so much listening to the person performing, but listening to the reaction. Ben was doing okay, nothing brilliant but he was first up, id say he was getting moderate laughter all the way through punctuated by big laughs on occasion. He came off and told us he was extremely glad it was finished, Ben was definitely one of the nicest guys to chat to, totally normal, no wisecracking (not that that's a bad thing) and he was really open about how he felt. Before he went on he was telling us all repeatedly that he was feeling like he wanted to be sick from nerves, he wasn't the only one. Holly Gooch said she had thrown up a couple of times beforehand, I seem to recall that she said it was a food thing but the nerves would not have helped. Somehow she got it together enough to give her performance. We all sat backstage again listening. It was pretty quiet out there, She didn't have a strong set and you would have to think that the fact she was already off colour didn't help. I think Josh was in the first half and we didn't need to be quiet to hear how he went. He got a great reaction, big laughs all the way, another strong performance for Mr Consistent. It still amazes me that he had a grand total of two prior sets to his name. Rick may have gone first half too and he really lifted from his Semi Final, he killed it in a big way. At the half I thought Josh and Rick were both certainties for top 3, I had even earmarked Josh as a potential winner.
I had a chat with Hadley Donaldson backstage, Hadley is a chilled out guy and another person who's great to have a chat with. He said he was happy with the people that had made it to the final, before mentioning that there were no weird competitive vibes. He was right too, but I think rather than people being a great bunch of supportive lads and ladies, everyone was just simply too nervous to focus on anything other than their own set!
Somewhere before I went on, the exulted Raybon Kan came backstage and sat down with a few of us. Raybon was probably the most famous comedian I had met in terms of fame at the height of his popularity, which was a while ago now. I expected him to be hilarious, full of life and genuinely a pretty good bloke. Instead, I found him to be utterly miserable. He was quiet, seemed like he had absolutely no energy and if he could choose anywhere to be at that moment, it would be the polar opposite of backstage with some amateur comedians at the San Fran. I just remember a definite chill coming over the green room when he was there, It was like that movie "The cooler" where William H Macy plays a guy who drags down the luck and mood of all those around him. That might sound harsh coming from an upstart like me but you weren't there.. unless you were.. and if so, you'd agree, it was grim.
Finally I was up. This was it, I knew I needed something special to knock over the likes of Rick and Josh who had killer sets. During Jamie's in between bit before I went on, I was sat directly behind the stage just staring at the floor, I tried to think of the first thing I had to say... FUCK. I had no fucking clue what it was. My mind had gone, luckily I normally carry my entire set painstakingly typed out word for word in my pocket. I unfolded the piece of paper and found it really hard to focus on the words, Who wrote this shit? this is TERRIBLE! I was panicking it was fair to say.. 30 seconds before you take the stage is no time to suddenly have a moment of clarity over how woeful the set you've written is. NO, I tried to reassure myself, it IS GOOD. THEY WILL LOVE IT. Doogie Howser is going to KILL. I slugged back my free bottled water (wow, water what a tough guy gun-slinger type) and tried to block out my thumping heart and just repeated the first sentence of my set over and over again in my head. It was time.
I knew early on it wasn't going great, there were giggles sure, but a smattering of chuckling isn't going to have anyone raving about you. There was one particular bit of physical comedy I did early on, where (and bare with me, as I describe this howlingly unfunny situation) I walk across the stage doubled over to try to conceal a mock erection. Brilliant, high brow stuff yeah. Well, as I comedy-walked across the stage I was struck with 2 thoughts... 1) what in the FUCK am I doing, and 2) It certainly is quiet in here. I wanted to just stop and say to the crowd "COME ON! MISPLACED ERECTIONS ARE HILARIOUS, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!??"
Its fair to say the set started on a low and slowly rose to about a medium when I was doing my settled stuff that had previously gone well. So I walked off stage knowing, and I mean really knowing this time, that I wasn't going to be troubling the good folks at Jet Star with a flight booking. Marat Safin the Russian Tennis player once booked his flights home just before playing a semi final as he was so sure he would lose. That's how I felt now, clear the diary for the week of the national Final because I aint going nowhere. Safin as it turned out won his match, had to cancel those flights, and went onto the final before being crushed by Federer but that's another story.
I walked off in one of those cliché slow motion moments, got the normal pats on the back and went back past the green room to a door that was open, I needed that fresh air badly. I sat in reflective silence outside planning to walk down these fire escape stairs, txt my girlfriend to meet me at the car.. now that was definitely an over reaction but at the time I felt like how could I show my face to that crowd again. If I'm honest, it was just the new stuff that went poorly, the established jokes went fine. Hadley had a chat to me, he was on soon, he seemed relaxed. I got it together in time to hear the unusually quiet Kent deliver his Set. I think there was someone in between us but he got absolutely nothing from the crowd. He delivered his set to an almost silent audience when, the exact same set had been working well for him, I guess that's how it goes sometimes though. He looked a broken man, I knew how he felt. Hadley Donaldson got a very similar if not even worse reaction. The enduring image of that night for me would be sitting in the green room, listening to Hadley belt out the Katy Perry song " Babyyyy I'm a fiiiirrreewoorrkkk" to an utter wall of quiet. He got nothing, and I mean NOTHING back from that crowd. A few of us were sat backstage looking at each other, just mulling over the death that was occurring meters from us. Kent, Hadley and I didn't do well so I dunno.. maybe someone provided an impromptu movie showing of the scene where Bambi gets shot at the interval to bring the mood down.. either that, or we all just sucked. I'm going with the latter.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think Roni closed out the night. She bought the house down, yeah she had a load of friends there screaming for her when she came on, but a table of friends cant create the reaction she got. She stormed it plain and simple and left to another huge reaction, led by, but not just, her table of supporters. Someone has since said to me that she had 40 friends turn up but I think that's bollocks, she killed it and the people I've spoken to in the crowd all said the whole room was loving it. So barring a massive difference of opinion from the judges, Roni was through and I would say it was between Rick and Josh. While the judges totted up the scores (how long does it take to write 'Pants' beside my name I wonder?) The audience was treated to Mr Raybon Kan doing roughly 8 minutes. I say eight, but it felt like 80. The crowd absolutely hated him. On the comedy scale of suckiness I think it goes, in order of best to worst - polite giggles but mostly silence, total silence, silence mixed with heckles, constant heckling, and outright booing. Raybon was getting somewhere between the last two. Because I am a wonderful human being, this made me feel better about my own performance, thinking.. well, it could be worse, and he's a pro! Jamie Bowen and the owner of the san fran were backstage, rigging up a chair and a noose out of some cabling, all us amateurs were gathered to the side of the stage watching this and sharing a quiet chuckle. There was a palpable sense that his set was dragging on and on, and amid this I said kind of loudly "Come on mate, Ive only paid for parking until ten", cue laughter from my fellow competitors. there it was, my best joke of the night, made only to an audience of 7. Good going. Raybon mercifully finished up as Jamie was delivered the results and we were all made to stand in a line on stage like a beauty pageant. Jamie went through the formalities.. high standard, hard to pick just one, we will see all these acts again.. etc. I thought briefly about grabbing the Microphone and doing a comedy Kanye West interruption "yo yo, Jamie I'm gon' let you finish but..".. I was really considering that but in the end good sense held me back. I was quietly telling Josh that he had to have made it as I stood next to him and Jamie prepared to announce the results.
Going through, to the national final were... Ben Stokes! and... Roni Saul!
Cue applause, we all hugged and shook hands and then sort of drifted away.
The results. Well, Roni was odds on, right from the heat she had delivered every time, I cant say I was too surprised but Ben? I hadn't seen either his heat or his Semi, and thought he was gone for all money in the final despite not really seeing it. In the wash up I watched the video of his Final set on Facebook, and I have to say .. he totally deserved to go through. His set made me genuinely laugh all the way through. So that was it for the Raw 2012 quest. It was hugely fun and to make the final was a great achievement for me. If anyone out there is considering entering, I would fully encourage you to do so, and if you are thinking of going along to watch, definitely do so too. Roni and Ben can not enter next year as they placed in the regional, but the rest of us are free to try our luck again. I am undecided on whether I should or not but one things for sure if I do..
I wont be mentioning Doogie Fucking Howser.
Thanks for reading.
Adam
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